I'M GOING TO CONGRESS!!!!

Lads,
It's about that time, Monday I leave and speak my mind to the most influential people in the free world, I've been down in the dumps for the past few weeks but I have to put that off because of something more important.

I'm 27, close to bankruptcy, and in the darkest time of my life. But I can't help but be excited about what is next for me.

I found out today that I can get my BSN for $10,400 AND if I sign a contract with CMC they will reimburse me 80% of my studies. Holy shit I found a viable answer.

Two days ago I was depressed as hell, I told my parents "all I need is one good thing to happen, and all things will come together" praying for it to happen.

well I have been in deep depression for awhile, things haven't worked out for me lately. I have no real job, my unemployment hasn't been around for 9 weeks, I have no insurance, my rock is having doubts, and I'm fighting to get into any nursing school. yesterday I found hope.

Fr. Gerard has been sending me messages of hope, and kept me praying.... you know it's tough to believe for me now-a-days. But he never gave up on me.

I prayed every day after reading his e-mail. Just asking for one thing to go my way....and it did.

It's a small thing, but the radio in my car has been broke for 3 weeks now, and I finally found out how to fix it. The second I figured things out I called my Mom, Dad, and Julie and for the first time in a damn long time.... felt an accomplishment. I had a smile on my face, I remembered how things were.

It's not an answer, but it is hope. I look at myself everyday in the mirror and know I'm better than what I'm doing.... 

What is next for me

HERE'S TO CONGRESS

COBRA - Sly Stallone

So I think it is about time to dig deep into the problem with health insurance. As I prepare for my trip to Congress at the end of the month I can't help but try to complicate things by bringing up the greedy scam that insurance can be. Let me explain.

I was cancelled from my COBRA insurance over 1 month ago, because of lack of payment. (For you that don't know how COBRA works, you must send a payment in by 'x' day or you are cancelled. I was always a month ahead of my COBRA for this reason alone.

On April 16th, I was cancelled from my insurance because they did not receive my payment. I freaked out, how could this happen. I looked at my checkbook and saw the carbon copy of a check written on March 29th for payment, and noticed it was cashed by my COBRA beneficiary (APT if you want to google them) after months of phone calls, I was finally able to talk to someone who said I had 60 days to appeal their decision, so I did what they requested and sent in an appeals request, and I received a letter that I expected, I was rejected.

I researched this topic further and talked with my doctors about the situation, they laughed when I told them what happened, their reaction sounded like they have been through this time and time again. They told me, that APT is trying to get out of a policy that is not affordable for them.

Ok I get it, health insurance is a business, but greed is another issue, this isn't car insurance.... this is my fucking health!!! Because of these greedy dirt bags I had to miss my follow up appointment to determine if I am still in remission. I did some more research on insurance, this shocked me.

Statically from the AMA (American Medical Association) If your COBRA policy pays out more than $25,000 a year, your beneficiary has an 40% chance that they will try to find a way to cancel your policy, they do this because they believe only 35% will file suit, and out of that 35% only 7.5% will actually go to trial and win a claim. This means they are playing the odds on the public to fight this travesty. It makes me sick to think of the people working in these companies who put money ahead of peoples well being.... absolutely sick.

This is why I will be going to Congress on the 29th, I am not certain of the real positive attributes that will come from health care reform, but the health insurance industry is in shambles. It needs reform! Why is it that our Health insurance is the least regulated form of insurance out there?!?

Example. My medical bills were close to $200,000.00 but the insurance companies paid out only around $40,000.00, I get it they have contracts with hospitals. But why should the less fortunate have to pay so much out of pocket, and the insurance company pays 25% of that, it's like buying a Rolls Royce for the price of an Audi...

To me it just doesn't make sense. It makes me sick and depressed to think that I am one of those people being fucked over by my insurers because I got sick.

Change needs to happen.

Stove top boys

Life is meaningful, it is precious, it can also become abolished.

Sitting here half drunk and home alone makes me miss the good life. The days when I had a regular 9-5 job, I knew my responsibilities I knew my duties. I knew where I belonged. I was content, but it was structure to life. I knew how to handle that.

Right now I have none of that.  I miss it.

How do I handle my life? Right now? I'm in a relationship where I bring nothing to the table financially and it makes me feel like crap, I'm trying to marry this woman but who in their right mind would marry my ass. Every day I grow fonder of her, and love how strong willed she is.

I have meet my soul mate.

I might be overemphasizing money but I was brought up that way.

Talking to a good friend today, we spoke in length about where I plan on going,... career wise. He told me I needed to develop the brand that I am.  Brand. What is it?

I look at my F U Cancer wristband right below my LIVESTRONG bracelet and can't help but wonder, is this my brand? Am I slated to become the Fuck You Cancer man? Damn my mind is running to hard right now.

I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but man it's a mind trip getting there. I went from a 100k a year person to well living off a few hundred bucks here and there.

Money isn't everything, but it sure does help. I'm running out of credit.

I still have a lot of talking to do to God, but damn if he was here he would sure make life a whole lot easier right about now.

In the darkest times a strong man prevails.

~ Sorry for the rant, but it's top of mind.

Only the good die young - Billy Joel

Salute.

Foggy

Next step in life and the curve balls that come with it.

Hello world,

It has been quite sometime since I last wrote to you, life has picked up so fast that I just couldn't find the time to sit down and write a legitimate blog, I'm sorry for that... I suck.

As of today, I am drug free (including pot), unemployed, with out benefits and no insurance. I lost my benefits when I registered for classes. Turns out taking 2 classes at a community college defaults my unemployment they can't determine the difference between a full time and part time student. After 5 weeks of appealing them, yesterday I finally spoke with someone and will hopefully be back on my social program in a few weeks.

Insurance, well shit. COBRA says they never received my check, so with out warning my insurance was cancelled. I had to postpone a 3 month checkup to make sure I am still cancer free because of this. I've been fighting the insurance company for weeks now, with little traction. Sometimes this makes it hard to sleep at night, all I can think about are the what if's. I'm playing Russian Roulette with my health right now and it's scary.

These two factors have made it impossible for me to go back to school full-time right now, and I have been actively pursuing full time employment (with benefits) I need money and I need health insurance. My goal of becoming a male nurse (ref. FOCKER) is going to take longer than expected because now I can only take night classes.

As for the job search, shit.... pathetic.... only opportunities out there i will be taking a step backwards. Today I had an interview with the Yellow Pages, and just wondered why the fuck am I doing this. I don't want to do that job. But I entertained it because they offer health benefits after 90 days (that is if I can last there 90 days w/o getting shitty)

Besides being a social/professional loser right now I have to say I am excited to head to Congress on the 28th. We're already working on media kits, business cards, and my speech. The group sponsoring my travels will be providing me with a "Coach" to review what I will be speaking about and what I should emphasize.

Good news I'm finally not working weekends, so I can see my friends again. Tomorrow we are going poolside.

Till next time folks

Mary....holla at me!

I sit here awake at almost 4am, vodka in my hand feeling like something needs to be said. Work today was amazing, I had my first $300.00 table which is huge in tips, tonight was a good night.

I think I'm ready to talk about another hard part during this whole cancer situation. I've debated posting this because it's sad to me, more so than the other posts. So here it goes.

The lord and I have a a lot to talk about. I have been asking him why did this happen to me since the day I was laid off @ Garland. I gave up on him, but yet said a prayer before each one of my surgeries. After that second surgery put me through so much pain, I gave up on him. Chemo was in the future.

As my Chemo treatment near, I decide to go to Cleveland for an impromptu visit to my finest religious years, Cleveland Benedictine High School. I found the priest I needed to talk with Fr. Gerard. We spoke at great lengths about what I had gone through and what's next.

I told him I came back to Benedictine for a blessing from you, which he gladly did.

Everything seemed to be at peace at that moment... he noticed my relaxed yet excited expressions. I had faith again.

Afterwards, I went to Slyman's Deli with my mom and had the best tasting lunch in months. I knew I still had faith, but the Lord and I got a lot of talkin' still to do.

I love WWII documentaries and disturbing druggie movies.

I can't help but notice how my leisure life has become a list.
*  WW2 in HD parts 1-10
* the battle rats of iwo jima parts 1-6
* SPUN * watched twice
* Permanent midnight  - I'm watching it for the 2nd time while writing this.
The War - ken burns - It's my second time watching this, and it still shocks me.

I have been obsessively watching these programs for the past two weeks and can't seem how to define, why can't I turn away when they turn on?


This time of watching man's despair makes me anxious towards my next step in life.

I'm in the happiest time of my life.

Salute'

Stephen

Tomorrow is a big day.

So tomorrow I get to reintroduce myself to the world of cancer treatments. As many times as I've visited the Messhole I don't think I can ever get comfortable being there.

Almost like a feeling of distrust or lost in a distant land.

Tomorrow I start my testing to see if I can say I'm officially in remission. Blood work and a C/T Scan are in my near future. I'm kind of scared for tomorrow to happen. I mean, it feels like forever ago since I last visited a doctor for cancer treatments. I try not to remember about that time as to this day it's still hard to deal with.

My regulars as Boudreaux who have been keeping up with my progress all know tomorrow I get my testing, and they all wish me well, a few of them I told that if you see me here next week things are all good, if not another round of chemo.

Fuck.

I don't want treatments anymore... life has progressed.

On a lighter note, I am also nervous because tomorrow I also get to pitch the For Your Cure idea to some nurses since we have become established and we are now legit enough to actually do some good. I wonder how they are going to react?

Has anyone ever watched Tosh.O on Comedy Channel? I just watched that funny ass show, and anyways he plugged this www. site called Chatroulette and I have to say it is the strangest thing I have ever seen. I'm getting so behind with internet knowledge now-a-days that seeing Chatroulette makes me feel like my mom trying to turn on a computer.

Deftones - Hole in the Earth.