"Only after disaster can we be resurrected"

I felt like my previous entry should have been my last, a good warm hearted way to wrap up a story.

I've recently become social again, and have heard how people have reacted to my blog I've decided to start things back up again. My mind and body are in complete different places than when I was going through treatment, but I feel obligated to continue.

My motivation stems from a dear friend of mine, I searched out her blog a few nights back and realized she used my story to motivate her to write, I believe a 15,000 word challenge. Plus I feel this adventure isn't at completion yet.

Sitting in bed @ 3:54am, I knew I couldn't sleep tonight. Too much shit running around in this big ole' brain of mine. Things like my treatments/surgeries, the now permeant heroin vein in my left forearm, the scars of battle, my insides were the soldiers fighting and my body was it's now scared battlefield.

It just made me think of things, I'm 27, settling down dramatically and life has been changing since 2008. Friends aren't growing distant, just we get together lesser and do things more (late 20's like) This brings me to For Your Cure.

I know why I get excited for our board meetings, because I get to see many of my best friends all in the same place @ the same time. Granted we're not @ Gin Mill (most of the time) and not lip singing Weezer or 80's songs. But we're getting something done, for the good.

I used that quote from Fight Club "Only after disaster can we be resurrected" because it was something that stuck with me during one of my darkest days fighting this fight, and I think many readers understood that quote to be the closest form how I was during that moment in life.

I truly thank everyone for all of the support, still to this day it is recognized everywhere.

I hope this blog can kick off a rejuvenation of some sorts to Fuck You Cancer, I still have tons of things running through my head that I didn't get out earlier. My mind has been off all drugs for nearly 2 months now, and it's starting to get clear again. Julie tells me stories of things I did, or said that I have no or very little recognition of them, and some of them are quite funny.

Till next time folks'

Gettin' Sick To Feel Better.

Gettin’ Sick to Feel Better.

Last night Julie and I hugged it out in the kitchen for a minuet, and all I could think about is how weird of a situation this is that we are in, every day I feel a bit less energetic, more worry of hair loss, and now from the Roids, I have a white film covering my throat called Thrust.

I laid my head on her shoulder and simply said “I’m getting’ sicker just to get healthy” isn’t that fucked up?

We made a kick ass meal, homemade everything, butternut squash soup, a potatoe/brussel sprout medely, and some lemon chicken. I was able to taste every bite.

I’m starting to get a persistent cough, and last night I had bouts with nausea. The hardest part was falling asleep, I was fighting the urge to take another Lorazapan, but I fell asleep before my greedy little hands could put more drugs in my system.

After last night, I am an advocate for the healing remedies of medical marijuana, it made it able to somewhat taste foods, and it reduced my nausea quite well, my overall ora just went in a different direction.

That's it for now, I would like to thank everyone for the positive e-mail's, comments, prayers, that I have received. I listening, and they are great motivational factors for me. If I know you or don't, Thank You for all of your support.

Signing out.