Mary....holla at me!

I sit here awake at almost 4am, vodka in my hand feeling like something needs to be said. Work today was amazing, I had my first $300.00 table which is huge in tips, tonight was a good night.

I think I'm ready to talk about another hard part during this whole cancer situation. I've debated posting this because it's sad to me, more so than the other posts. So here it goes.

The lord and I have a a lot to talk about. I have been asking him why did this happen to me since the day I was laid off @ Garland. I gave up on him, but yet said a prayer before each one of my surgeries. After that second surgery put me through so much pain, I gave up on him. Chemo was in the future.

As my Chemo treatment near, I decide to go to Cleveland for an impromptu visit to my finest religious years, Cleveland Benedictine High School. I found the priest I needed to talk with Fr. Gerard. We spoke at great lengths about what I had gone through and what's next.

I told him I came back to Benedictine for a blessing from you, which he gladly did.

Everything seemed to be at peace at that moment... he noticed my relaxed yet excited expressions. I had faith again.

Afterwards, I went to Slyman's Deli with my mom and had the best tasting lunch in months. I knew I still had faith, but the Lord and I got a lot of talkin' still to do.

I love WWII documentaries and disturbing druggie movies.

I can't help but notice how my leisure life has become a list.
*  WW2 in HD parts 1-10
* the battle rats of iwo jima parts 1-6
* SPUN * watched twice
* Permanent midnight  - I'm watching it for the 2nd time while writing this.
The War - ken burns - It's my second time watching this, and it still shocks me.

I have been obsessively watching these programs for the past two weeks and can't seem how to define, why can't I turn away when they turn on?


This time of watching man's despair makes me anxious towards my next step in life.

I'm in the happiest time of my life.

Salute'

Stephen

Tomorrow is a big day.

So tomorrow I get to reintroduce myself to the world of cancer treatments. As many times as I've visited the Messhole I don't think I can ever get comfortable being there.

Almost like a feeling of distrust or lost in a distant land.

Tomorrow I start my testing to see if I can say I'm officially in remission. Blood work and a C/T Scan are in my near future. I'm kind of scared for tomorrow to happen. I mean, it feels like forever ago since I last visited a doctor for cancer treatments. I try not to remember about that time as to this day it's still hard to deal with.

My regulars as Boudreaux who have been keeping up with my progress all know tomorrow I get my testing, and they all wish me well, a few of them I told that if you see me here next week things are all good, if not another round of chemo.

Fuck.

I don't want treatments anymore... life has progressed.

On a lighter note, I am also nervous because tomorrow I also get to pitch the For Your Cure idea to some nurses since we have become established and we are now legit enough to actually do some good. I wonder how they are going to react?

Has anyone ever watched Tosh.O on Comedy Channel? I just watched that funny ass show, and anyways he plugged this www. site called Chatroulette and I have to say it is the strangest thing I have ever seen. I'm getting so behind with internet knowledge now-a-days that seeing Chatroulette makes me feel like my mom trying to turn on a computer.

Deftones - Hole in the Earth.