"Stephen your done with chemo."

In this dark and rainy day we're having this is all I can think about... Sun-shining days ahead.

My messhole doctor came busting into my room this morning excited as shit to tell me my days with chemo are over.

I don't know how to take that feeling I have, it...I mean the phrase "reluctant optimism"

I bet this feeling is like when an inmate is released from prison for the 1st time since he can remember, and he just realizes all the freedoms he was just given again.

Normalcy could be right around the corner.

To end with a quote from "Little Miss Sunshine"

Richard: Hey, I will pull this truck over, right now!
Grandpa: So, pull the truck over! You're not gonna shut me up! FUCK YOU! I can say what I want!

For Your Cure is in London

London, what an amazing city I can't rave enough about it.

I do have two problems with it though, the food is absolutely horrendous, unless your willing to spend $50 a meal.

And this exchange rate is killing me, I changed over $200 US. and got back 105 pounds. fucking awesome.

This city is expensive as shit.

A quick recap of things we have done so far.

Use the Underground for all travel = Highly Recommended

Went to Stonehenge = a must see for history buffs, but b prepared for shitty weather.

Castle of Windsor = We saw the Queen!

The Roman Baths in Bath UK = Amazingly beautiful, I could swear I was in Greece.

London's Eye = Great way to see the city

Imperial War Museum = Best museum in the city, and it's free! All about WWII, and that stuff gives me a major hard on.

London Bridge = Coolness factor is still there but declining.

Big Ben & Parliament = Makes you realize how young the good ole' U.S. of A is.

Nights partying in Canary Warf and Piccadilly Circus = Cool Yuppy factor, but got so drunk I got lost on the Tube.

Tomorrow we go to Liverpool and Abbey Rd. = should be amazing.

I've only gotten light headed once here, and I think it's because I forgot to take my meds. My eyebrows are thinning, but at the moment that's a good thing b/c I have bushy de-go brows.

Oh Bl Di Oh Bl Da Life Goes On!

Some information

Hey guys, I'll be in London all next week so there might be a break from the action. But I wanted to post two e-mail's I sent out earlier this week, if anyone is interested (far and wide) don't hesitate to contact me @ stephenfogg@yahoo.com I might not respond right away b/c I'm not sure the internet situation we will have but ohh well, I'm done rambling. Enjoy

E-Mail #1

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day/night and getting ready for Thanksgiving coming up. I am reaching out to you guys because you all have expressed interest in helping out with For Your Cure, and I want to let everyone of you know how grateful I am to have such a wonderful support group around this whole premise.

Anyways I will be out of town till November 29th, and I would like to set up a meeting with everyone on this list who is still interested in helping out so we can all get on the same page and start getting the ball rolling.

I was thinking of shooting for Dec 3rd as the day to get everyone together, but I'm still stuck on time and location. I want to ask each of you if your 1. still interested in helping out 2. would prefer to meet during the day, or night and 3. would you guys like to meet for dinner and discuss FYC or have me hunt down a conference room for an hour or so?

It's completely up to you, but I will chose the majority (which will be a theme of this organization) and then we'll go from there. I would really appreciate it if everyone who wants to be apart of FYC come to this, that way we can start organizing and not have to have meetings all the time. We can set some preliminary goals in this meeting.

Anyways I'm just rambling on at this point, so there it is guys!!! You ready to jump in head first....... I am.

Also I have the domain name www.foryourcure.org so we're money there

Let me know what you think and please don't hesitate to pass this along to any people I might have missed, I know there's some out there.

From the bottom of my heart,

Thank You

Stephen

E-Mail #2

Hey guys,

I think we're going to have 2 separate meetings one during the day and one at night both on Dec 3rd. You would only need to come to one of the meetings.

What I plan to do with this time is to outline everything I plan to do with FYC and what I will need help with. I would also like to give out 'assignments' for everyone (either as an individual or as a group of volunteers) Anyways, once I get that rolling we can be more flexible with future meeting.

I have the Clear Channel Large conference room tentatively scheduled for 1pm and 7pm. Their address is

801 Wood Ridge Center Dr.

CLT, NC 28217

The studios are next to the Charlotte NBC affiliate off of Billy Graham.

Anyways plan to attend one (or both meetings if your head over heals with wanting to help out) and we will go from there.

As always please feel free to forward this to anyone you think I might have missed.

Thank you guys again for everything,

Stephen

I bet...

I had at least 20 of you guys googling the song "Bald Headed Hoes" from my previous post, all wondering "who must sing such a kind hearted melody"

Did this come up?

God Bless Hip Hop.

I spent today (actually taking a break from at the moment) working on For Your Cure, paperwork, research, all the fun boring redundant mess that is government paperwork.

Filing my EIN was easy, then I see the Tax Exemption forms.............. Holy Fuck Lord are you kidding me?!? The expected time to complete the research for these forms is 89 hrs. 32 min. (according to their Paperwork Reduction Act Notice on page -24- of the INSTRUCTIONS FOR FORM 1023 not the 97 page form) learning, preparing, and copying will take an additional 15 hrs. 48 min.

All I can say is Holy BeJesus this is going to take a minuet.

Back from my Break

Bob Marley - Stir it up

Bald Headed Hoes

That's the name of an amazing rap song I was introduced to while riding the College Tour Bus my Junior year at Benedictine. Thank You Todd Williams for that little delight!

Here is it.... More pointless dribble to follow.

Normal, somewhat.

Today begins my recovery, 6 months the doctors say will take to get my body back into normal shape. My mind is clear, but my body is still so tired.

I went to the mall today to pick out some hats for my bald ass head, got all the way there and nearly passed out from exhaustion. I guess I'm still not 100% Still... I'm better than yesterday, and that's enough for me.

I now have F U Cancer wristbands in, so if you haven't already gotten your hands on one, now is your opportunity. I leave for London on Friday, and I intend to ship out everyone who has sent in donations before I leave (just in time for the holidays!)

Thank you to everyone again, not much excitement to this post hopefully next one I'll be good and dopy for some slanted humor. Bald Ass Foggy pics will be up by tomorrow too.

Till Then

I can't go.

The nausea is killing me, things would feel better if I could just purge. The Nulasta shot did this to me last time too, sore bones, nausea, jitters, and exhausted. I'm tired, but I can't fall asleep.

Good news is tomorrow is my last day of treatment... For now, Dec 2nd I will retest my body and see if the chemo has truly done it's job. From the looks of my hair, and the exhaustion in my body it's working, but only time will tell.

Julie is excited for tomorrow to be over with, and so am I to a point. I just don't believe it to be over with, something inside of me is telling me to be patient with excitement, this roller coaster has been going on too long and I'd just like for the rest of the ride to be smooth sailing.

Life is progressing, tomorrow should be better.

~ On my iTunes right now - Sly & The Family Stone - Stand!

4 Days and Counting,

Till my chemo might be complete, 4 more sessions in the messhole, hopefully. Dec 2nd I go back in for blood work and testing, then we see how happy I shall be.

But damn, 4 more days...I'm shaking and I'm not sure if its the drugs or the utter joy that is! Yesterday I was able to see Matisyahu in 106.5's green room, his music puts you in a calm tranquil and I think that just started everything off right. The kind folks at Clear Channel donated a ton of CD's, Books, and DVD's to F.Y.C. So looks like now I need to start doing an inventory or some cataloging, shit this could get progressively redundant.

I'm held-up at the house for the next couple of days, body is weaker than yesterday, but yet I feel somewhat at peace with my condition. I'm back to not tasting food again, even my "go-to" meal of greasy ass Burgers from McDonald's tasted exceptionally bland. Only for a little while longer

Just Worn Out

My body is sore and weary, I'm having small tremors, the chemo is working again. My hair is thin like the stereotypical combover of the middle aged man. I have slept the day away, and I could fall back asleep any minuet now.

Julie's mom has been here since Monday, and it's already been a blessing to have her here, if just to talk to someone during the down time. I had my first person going through treatment reach out to me, and I'm so excited to help them in any way I can. Starting this non-profit feels like a calling from god, and I am so ready to jump in heads first. Each and everyone of you guys and your support are the leading cause for this. My way to pay forward inconceivable acts of kindness.

I worked on the non-profit till I fell asleep on the couch with my MacBook glaring @ me on my stomach.

I took my first Marinol today, it makes me so sleepy and really doesn't help like pot does for the constant nausea.

My body is so tired, and it is shutting down my brain

“I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” - Kurt Cobain

Deja Vu

My hair is significantly thin, and I have patches of baldness everywhere. I think I'm going to bet my over/under is Thursday I will be completely bald. Not Sinead O'Connor Bald, more like the Blue Man Group.

I'm still jittery and my mind isn't cloudy, I feel ok right now. The doctor gave me a script for Marinol, and I'm looking forward to it. I won't have to buy my way into eating again.

I look down on my shirt and notice that roughly a bakers dozen of hairs have fallen out since I sat down to type this. The end is near.

I was still able to taste food, I'm not sure how long that will last but I like it, I actually gained a few lbs this week.

Any takers on a bet?

"I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may."

Back to the Frontline

I'm droopy, wait maybe drowsy.

I'm on a regiment of Lorazapan and Benedryl every 4 hrs. If I don't take my Loraz, then I shake uncontrollably, if I don't take the benedryl, my sink rashes and burns. So it's be in a cloud mentally, and perpetually drowsy or have my body feel crazy. Both, sound pretty shitty to me, but I'll choose option A.

I'm starting to dose off, but I don't feel ready for sleep. Tomorrow I'm shipped back off to the front lines to the messhole for 7 days of constant battles. My body is going to take a whoopin' but I think I'm recharged for the fight.

Stay tuned kids.

Oh Indeed

I'm jittery, have a rash all over, and my hair is falling out, it should all be out by next week.

The shaking was so bad today that I had to take a Lorazapan just to be able to type this. It freaked me out, I was nervous, I didn't call (or want to) my messhole doctor b/c his usual response on the weekend is "go to the ER"

Well I hate the ER (and try to avoid it at all costs), especially weekends. Your nurses are bad or rookies, usually stuck there overnight, and they poke you with more needles than you can stand.

It 1:56am and I'm no where ready to sleep, it's not my mind, because that is tired. It's my body, it's fighting chemo again, and I can feel every battle.

Last night Julie & I went to Gin Mill to feel normal again. It was great, we both needed that feeling of normalcy, if only for one night, we accomplished it. Great seeing the gang again.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better,

The Messhole

Back in this seat again, a nice polyester recliner, staring at no one like myself, or everyone like myself…… depending on how you see it.

I’m bummed, made a huge lunch for fear it is my “last meal” with any real taste for now, realizing Monday I’m slated to go through the week of hell…again.

More shots, steroids, IV’s, drugs, more or less of the same. This week off really spoiled me.

Messhole doctor finally told me what they ‘suspect’ landed me in the ER 2 Sunday’s ago, a case of phenomena, infection and possible beginning of H1N1.

They just injected me with a test shot of the drugs, it burned like hell going in.

I hope I can do this… I’m not mentally prepared for this again, not yet, not now, not ever.

Adios

Fuck the Suck

Just got a call from the messhole doctor. He wants me to come in today @ 1:30 to start treatments again. Fuck me, I thought I had more time.

This really bums me out, I'm going to come out of this shit tired and weary again. A new IV will be started, and I will have the pleasure of staring at old dying people. I am fucking excited!!!

I'm paying attention to this mass rapist/murderer in my hometown of Cleveland, and it makes me absolutely sick and saddened, He did all of this just down the street from my High School. God that's fucked up, I hope he gets the shit beat out of him in prison, every day until he is sentenced to death.

That's it for now, more to report on tonight.

My Ride in the Pope Mobile

Had my breathing test today, and as you can see from the picture I was in the Pope Mobile for this thing.

I was able to see my results from the last test today, I scored a 68% last Sunday. Meaning I was breathing at a D+ level. Today I scored a 96% I get a Gold Star.

I can tell the difference, I couldn't even finish the first test... my breathing was too short & I couldn't stop coughing. This time it was a piece of cake.

Anyways, I checked out some space to rent @ the N.C. Music Factory, and signed up for a P.O. Box today. Tomorrow it's paperwork and building this non-profit from the ground up.

I think I'm starting chemo on Monday. I mean, I don't know.. messhole Doctor hasn't called yet, and I'm in no hurry to hear him say so.... I just have this gut feeling in my stomach, life is pretty good right now, and I don't want to fuck it up with that mess....please messhole doctor, don't tell me anything till Monday morning.

later taters.

Address (Intermission pt.2)

Ok, so I've been blown up about these bracelets and how to get one. Just send me an email @ stephenfogg@yahoo.com and I'll shoot you an address or get yours.

Thank you all,

Stephen

Intermission

I think of life right now as a soldier getting off the front for a few days of R&R back at the base. Life is as normal as it's been in awhile, and I feel like I'm resting up to be shipped back off on the lines the fight the good fight.

There's still the routine (basic training) of doctor apts, pills and tests. But no real front line battles.

On a different subject matter I have a bit of important information to announce. It has come to my attention that a group of friends have created a FU Cancer bracelet, and all the proceeds of the sales of these bracelets are going in my direction to do with however I please.

First off, I can't describe how grateful and honored I am to have friends to even think up a concept like this. But I wanted you all to know that I will be starting a non-profit with the funds raised from sales.

I'm just now working on a mission statement, but I know the premises of the idea... to help and give back to others. I'm leaning on an artistic/mind occupying angle, give art supplies, music, books, to people going through surgeries and treatments. My mom also suggested a food and dietary angle, which if this thing picks up might be incorporated down the road.

If your interested in getting a bracelet, let me know I know they are being sold @ the Gin Mill for $5. I don't have my hands on any, but if there is some response I'm sure I can get a bunch and ship them out to you.

I say good day.

"all I got was a black face & a pregnant 13yr. old"

is what Julie said our only trick or treaters said they were for Halloween.

I've been hesitant to write all weekend long, for the first time my head isn't in the clouds and life is normal. I'm worried there's not much to report.

I've been off meds since Saturday and my head is already coming down, my body isn't jittery anymore and my thoughts are thorough and concise again. Something new for me, now-a-days.

Tomorrow, I get the H1N1 shot. I told my physician to give it to the kids and moms first b/c I'm in the house all day long. He smiled and said ok, the very next day I received an urgent voicemail saying I need to come in and get the shot sooner rather than later. The urgency in his nurses voice put everything into perspective, my immune system is still critically weak, I'm now categorized as feeble.

I ate my weight in food this weekend, all weekend long. I can't remember the last time I put down so much. I have the help of some good pot for that, I'm not even stuffed.

Julie saw me today stretched out without my shirt on and saw my rib cage, I can't gain weight and it's starting to bother me.

For now.

21up gAy BINgo

Was the sign I passed promoting this upcoming event @ the Grady Cole center, I thought to myself for sometime... What the fuck do those two things have in common? I just didn't get the appeal, to me it seemed like it was a code word for some freaky group thing... ahh hell I don't know...

Well I just googled it and turns out it's a musical... . . The light bulb clicks on.

That's just how my day is going, mentally in a funk, thinking too much again. It's becoming a nuisance at times.

I went to Target today to pick up some more prescriptions, first time out with a shaved head. I didn't want to go, I was actually scared of seeing people I knew.

I saw myself in the mirror, pale and bald and I just don't look the same, I haven't shaved in almost a week and there's only stubble on my face. I swear people we're looking at me.

It's scary when you walk up to the pharmacy @ Target and the whole staff knows you by name, has your meds ready for you and pushes you to the front of the line. I feel like VIP, but this ain't no fucking night club.

Julie gets home soon, and I can't wait to see her.

You think it sucks to have cancer? How do you think cancer feels that it has Steve Fogg?

is what an old Fraternity brother said to me today. Ever since I've known him he's been a fucking smartass overachiever, our personalities couldn't be different but yet I've always appreciated him as a person, it's a genuine feeling.

Today, was a good day went to the doctor's office and no needles, I had my head shaved, bought my girlfriend a new dress for London. (she doesn't know yet, and I'm hoping she's already left work, and not reading this) made a conscience leap forward into securing the love that is my life, and just overall feel at peace today.

I don't want to indulge to deeply in the fact that I also found out that I really have surrounded myself with the best people in the world. I just can't believe it, your caring, thoughts, cards, charities, e-mails, phone calls, food, everything is truly unfathomably the best thing I have ever seen. Thoughtless caring, wow if the world was just full of this what an amazing place it would be.

I think that's a good ending for now,

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you and love you all.

Bleomycin Side Effects.

"Mama always said I do thing's 99% better than the rest, I guess this might be one of those instances when I hope to god she isn't right."

- My possible symptoms from Bleomycin

Pulmonary

This is potentially the most serious side effect, occurring in approximately 10% of treated patients. The most frequent presentation is pneumonitis occasionally progressing to pulmonary fibrosis . Approximately 1% of patients treated have died of pulmonary fibrosis. Pulmonary toxicity is both dose and age related, being more common in patients over 70 years of age and in those receiving over 400 units total dose. This toxicity, however, is unpredictable and has been seen occasionally in young patients receiving low doses.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bleomycin

The most serious complication of bleomycin is pulmonary fibrosis and impaired lung function. It has been suggested that bleomycin induces sensitivity to oxygen toxicity^[5] and recent studies support the role of the proinflammatory cytokines IL-18 and IL-1beta in the mechanism of bleomycin-induced lung injury.^[6] Past history of treatment with bleomycin should therefore always be disclosed to the anaesthetist prior to undergoing a procedure requiring general anaesthesia.

Thinking and smoking

Two things I'm doing to much of right now, my mind is so engulfed in subjects of matter I never once thought possible.

I was finally able to sleep today, around 9am till 11, 2 measly hours woke up to the Price is Right to only laugh at a hysterical App State student who was just chosen to guess the price.

I woke up feeling like a zombie, body is here but mind is somewhere else, the chemo is working again I can feel it. I couldn't really eat anything till I packed up a bowl, now I have an appetite.

I catch myself staring out into space thinking about everything, anything for long periods of time, it just happens, and I get scared to write about it... I wonder if it's just such crazy drivel or actual relevance?

One thing is for sure, a Smooth Marlboro Cigarette tastes like a steak dinner right now. It's bad I know, but I just can't help it....I've been good w/smoking here lately, it's a small pleasure in my day I can manage.

I think that's it for now,

I'm fighting the urge

My mind feels cluttered, like Napster in 1999. Body is jittery, but tired and sore. Can't sleep, again.

I don't know what to write, but I feel inclined to put words down.

I spent all fucking day trying to work off these roids, and I'm still awake, times like these I miss my Ambien. I can't kiss Julie enough, but yet these roids won't let me... I could spread an infection.

We're considering a second opinion on treatment if the messhole doctor tries to put me back on the "I can't breathe" meds again, I can't go through that shit again, I feel like a 50 something who just had a scare heart attack, and is grateful for every next day.

I guess the quote on the messhole wall "Every day is a gift" does have some meaning to it now, well at least to me. My priorities have changed, I feel like i wised up 10 years to what I want with life.

I think my hair stopped falling out, for now. Mom said I should just shave the fucker and get it over with. I know I'm stressing over this shit and I shouldn't, how vain it's becoming of me.

Shit I just yawned, I think it's a sign.

Smell ya, sorry for the drivel.

A small victory

Today, just feels like a winning day. No hospital rooms, no injections, no masks.

Just me, alone on a cold rainy day at peace with everything around me...if only for a few hours it's a great feeling, a victory.

Nothing says peaceful rainy day than making homemade chicken soup, a good classic rock station playing Dazed & Confused, and a medicated head, all while your body is slowly healing.

I'm still short of breath shaky and lethargic, but no new abnormal reactions today. It's time to savor this victory.

It's a good day........ Go Cavs!

A White Shade of Pale - Procol Harum

Ahh Damn French!!

Is what I said to my French nurse as she was pulling my chest hair out with my EKG monitors. Now that I think about it.... holy crap I had a French Nurse, isn't that like a male fantasy or something?!?

Well, no it is not.... the hospital is no fantasy.

Today I used my tattoo for the first time, I was in some bariatric chamber trying to breath and I couldn't I broke down and cried, and then saw that symbol of hope, and pushed through the metal blood coughs and failed the test. Treatment is on hold for the time being.

Each time I sit back and write, a new symptom pops up, this time it's the shakes, Imagine being on a case of red bull and no sleep for 48hrs. That's a glimpse of what my body feels like...Like a fucking riot. LA in 92' Hough & Harlem in the 60's, Fogg in 09' This is my fight and I intend to win.

The Long And Winding Road - Paul McCartney

4:35 am and my sheets are cold

I landed in the ER last night, I knew I needed it. I could barely breathe. The Presbo Doctors aren't completely sure what is wrong with me but they gave me tamiflu, and some breathing respirators for broncontius (fuck the spelling) I guess they think I could have the flu, phenomena, or something awesome, all I know is I looked like King Edward Longshanks (Braveheart reference) weezing away in my bed before I posted my ass up in the E.R.

Some observations,

- My gums feel like they are leaking metal all over my mouth

- I have no appetite

- The roids are making me break out

- At one point I counted 6 separate Band-Aids on my arms, hence blood was drawn 6 times today.

- A C/T Scan is small potatoes

- My tung and finger-tips keep going in and out of sudden numbness.

Chemo has made my body so weak

I'm now starting to lose hair

"Only after disaster can we be resurrected" - Tyler Durden

Cutting Down My Basil

I'm lost for words how to describe this feeling, I'm tired but anxious, mind feels relaxed but body is in pain. I just want to sleep and I can't keep my mind off of pointless drivel!

They gave me that shot today, that $5,000.00 shot... a... 1....uno shot, Five-thousand dollars.

I have to get 3, trois, three more..... Do that math.

It' s a t-cell injection shot that is boosting my immune system, I think that's why my body is all jittery, and I'm feeling all out of wack.

One set of drugs is trying to fuck my body up, the other is trying to make it better. A true battle of Axis & Allies... Who the fucks gonna win this one?

Spent the AM at the hospital and then spent the afternoon with Julie's family two of her sister's are running in that Avon walk, I was so proud to see them doing that shit. It really shows some awesome character.

Tomorrow is another hospital day, so is Monday.

I think I can nap now.

Signing off.

Gettin' Sick To Feel Better.

Gettin’ Sick to Feel Better.

Last night Julie and I hugged it out in the kitchen for a minuet, and all I could think about is how weird of a situation this is that we are in, every day I feel a bit less energetic, more worry of hair loss, and now from the Roids, I have a white film covering my throat called Thrust.

I laid my head on her shoulder and simply said “I’m getting’ sicker just to get healthy” isn’t that fucked up?

We made a kick ass meal, homemade everything, butternut squash soup, a potatoe/brussel sprout medely, and some lemon chicken. I was able to taste every bite.

I’m starting to get a persistent cough, and last night I had bouts with nausea. The hardest part was falling asleep, I was fighting the urge to take another Lorazapan, but I fell asleep before my greedy little hands could put more drugs in my system.

After last night, I am an advocate for the healing remedies of medical marijuana, it made it able to somewhat taste foods, and it reduced my nausea quite well, my overall ora just went in a different direction.

That's it for now, I would like to thank everyone for the positive e-mail's, comments, prayers, that I have received. I listening, and they are great motivational factors for me. If I know you or don't, Thank You for all of your support.

Signing out.

I'll Eat Your Babies Bitch!!!

So it's official, if I was a professional anything (baseball, football, swimming, biker... you name it) I would be kicked out of that sport for doping, yes kids that is correct I'm on roids.

They are helping with the allergic reactions to the drugs so now I don't stop breathing. One side effect is I need to take another drug to stop a Yeast infection from happening in my mouth and throat. Stupid roids, they also said I will get some sort of roid rage when I'm all done taking them... awesome personality trait.

Today was the easiest day of all, still no appetite but I ate what I think is a Gyro and fries, however it had no taste at all. I guess you could say it tasted like a ball of watered bleached flour.

My hair is showing signs of thinning (at least to me) they say by next week I should be close to bald, don't worry those pics will be up when I'm good and bald.

The worst part of all of this is I'm always the last one to leave the chemo b/c my drugs have to be administered slower than everyone else's b/c of my reactions.

I can tell I'm losing weight again, and it sucks... I'm already under 200lbs.

Well you know this was all drivel talk today, no real emotions come to the front. So I'm going to put this Mac down for the night and sleep.

Thank you everyone for all the prayers and support, This is an open book for who ever wants to read it so please pass it along. I want to inform as many people as possible about chemo. Maybe one day I will elaborate further about the surgeries, lord knows my last one was a trip to hell I now have a 13' scar down my stomach that looks more like an I.E.D. shrapnel wound than a preventative surgery.

I'm off, the drugs are kicking in...time to go to lala land. Also if anyone has a connect for some green I'd be a happy boy, they won't give me Maranol till the 3rd week and I want to get my appetite back.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.

Quotes on the wall

These are saying I see on the walls near me

"Everyday holds a possibility of a miracle"

- Fuck miracle I'm going to orange crush this like R.E.M.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we takebut the moments that take our breath away."

- Nothing to say about this

"Every day is a gift"

- Santa Clause didn't get this memo

The doctors put me on steroids that I have to take at the house before I come in for treatment. 5 little green pills.

Julie woke me today to take them, she says that I yelled out " Now I can be strong like professional wrestler!"

Ok the loopy/sleepy meds are arriving in my blood stream. This is it for now, more to come...

Pictures are courtesy of an extremely talented Keith Williams - I owe you some Jameson when I get better.

More to come.

Sweet Baby Jesus

The title of this post is irrelevant to the actual blog, I'm just loopy on drugs to keep my food down.

After my last post I went directly to sleep (similar to Monopoly's "go directly to jail) I woke up and it was dark out side, felt like it was 4am with a cotton filled mouth and a empty stomach with no craving for food.

I am now starting to feel the effects of chemo, my appetite is virtually gone, my energy level is down, and my head continues to feel like I'm in the clouds.

I lost my breath today... again, turns out I'm allergic to two of the three drugs they give me, I was flustered and coughing for 10 min until they yanked the IV out of my arm and gave me an emergency injection of steroids and benedryl. My breathing is still tight, but much better.

Before I even started chemo I lost 25 lbs, I'm only imagining how much more I will lose pretty soon I'll be skin and bones.

On that note I'm going to spend the last 32 min. of Julie's birthday with her, I'm sad because I couldn't do what I wanted to do for her today due to my procedure.... hopefully Saturday I can redeem myself.

Speaking of Julie she just gave me a cheese cracker... she spoils me :)

"VICTORY!!!!!!!" - "Johnny Drama"

Day 3 of the Dirty Juice Part 1

Hello all,

It’s 12:54 on a Wednesday and the I.V. in my arm looks like it’s going to explode. The messhole doctor said they want to just give me an I/V instead of installing a port in my chest, from what I can gather this is a good thing but I’m sure I’ll be looking like a trcked up heroin user when this thing is all done.

Had a quick snafu this AM, had to drive myself to the doctors but no worries it is what it is. I’m not in much of an anything mood right now, I just tried eating a muffin, it stayed down but I’m hiccupping from it and it’s making me a bit nauseous.

Ok well I’m starting to get sleepy again, so this is it for today. Sorry if it was boring… It’s hard to have an exciting story to tell every day when you sit in a polyester-vinyl seat starting at nothing but emotionless half awake zombies for 4 hours.

Side note, I’m listening to Neil Young right now, good shit man…. Damn good shit.

Audios

Part Duex is around the corner, much more interesting, I stopped breathing... blab blah blah. I will try to write about it tonight, but right now I'm so doped up, exhausted, nauseated, I just need a breather.

See you on the flip side.

Adam & Eve

Just finished up my breakfast / lunch combo of Rice Crispy treats, homemade cookies from my mom, V12 Plutonium and Blyomecine, all with a hearty side of holiday gravy!!

I bet you can guess what things I didn’t mind having. I’m groggy, tired as shit and my mind is foggy (no pun intended) I had some adverse side effects from the drugs last night, including cold sweats, sudden constant body shakes, and extremely vivid dreams (I even remember the one when I had a 2 on 2 game of basketball of me and Luke Skywalker v. Chewy and that little green guy… you know…. The one who is a dyslectic retard “go now you must”) weird I know.

Someone my age is sitting across from me, he has already lost his hair and seems worn out, but spirits are up. We started talking and turns out he was planning to go to London with his wife in September to see a Chelsea match, but couldn’t end up going b/c of the chemo.

I’m scheduled to go to London late November. Please don’t’ take that away from me too. Anyways the drugs are starting to make me dose on and off so I think I’m done for now.

Also I’m a house music kick right now so if anyone has recommendations outside the norm (Diplo, MSTRKRFT Oakenfold..etc) let me know I’m in a interesting musical place right now.

- That picture of the DVD porn is courtesy of my hospital, that was some of the fine watching I had while there…. Lovely, I know.

Going to sleep off that metal sandwich I just had @ Panera... Smell ya later tater(s)

Day 1 - Getting the bad Juice

2 drugs , one throat closing allergic reaction, and 4 hours later I’m down to my last drug today, this should take about an hr or so. I haven’t lost my appetite yet but this last drug (blyomicine) just made my mouth taste like a copper pipe, I’m salivating and it feels like metal shavings in throat.

So I thankfully don’t have anything too depressing to mention today, the nurses are great… very friendly and making sure we’re as happy as we can be for being in Dr. Messhole’s waiting room of chemo doom.

I’m trying to think of things to write, however I keep going in and out of exhaustion, eyes get heavy, brain stops working…… nap………

Wake up and do a bit more, then go back to bed.

Ok I’m going back to bed… let’s shoot to post a new blog tonight.

Fuck you Cancer, your days are numbered…..

Here we go Chemo Here we go! Woof Woof! Wait....What?

So it's late... well not me insomnia usual late but the Mrs. is in bed and I'm up thinking of what's going to happen tomorrow.

I couldn't of had a better way to go out than like this, trip to Cleveland was amazing, thank you Amy for the pic of Boyd (which I have wanted for years!), and Jesse's make a wish gift busting me up in downtown Cleveland and letting me rock out on the Wheels of Steel....

Ok enough with the "shout outs" (yes I did work in hip-hop radio for nearly 4 yrs.) back to the shit.

Cleveland rocked, Charlotte & the Browns Backers rocked too, even though we lost.... it was still a hell of a way to go out.

The messhole doctors keep being contradictive of what will happen with me, they say " I might crap my pants, or I might not crap at all" "I might be up to working out, or I might want to sleep the day away on the couch"

Either way one thing they do not contradict is that this is going to suck huge monkey balls, not just any monkey balls.... but the ones from a rabid A.I.D.S. carrying monkey from the congo who just attacked a church group on their way to dig a well for a camp of refugees who are escaping their neighboring country due to a holocaust regime. (hope that outlines my excitement for this journey)

I've been to hell, back to normal, back to hell again, and now back to normal..... tomorrow I return to Satan's hell.... I'll kick this shit and be back up and running sooner than you know.

Side note - anyone know where I can get some quality DJ equipment on the cheap? Looking for some T1200 tables, Serado, & Vestac board..... Please let me know.... I want to turn the office into a studio Thank you Jesse for making me realize I need to get back into the game.

Tomorrow, if I can, I plan to write from the chair in the messhole doctor's office let's see what type of things come out of my mouth then.

I Heart Wilford Brimley

Sonograms, C/T Scans, & MRI's.....Ohh My

It wasn't too bad, just glad I'm not claustrophobic. They gave me ear plugs because it was so damn loud in there but I didn't mind it one bit. Some of the sounds actually made a good beat, that is if my name was Hans and I enjoyed post Berlin Wall industrial techno music.

Anyways, they say I should know something by Friday which really means... me harassing them till they finally get back to me sometime late next week.

Tomorrow, I head to the homefront for a few days of R&R... Looking forward to a Pastrami on Jewish Rye at Slyman's and a slice @ Mama Santa's in Little Italy.

See you on the flip side.

Oblivious or just Assholes?

Ok, going off the subject of chemo and cancer for a quick rant on a subject that is coming up more and more everyday, is your boss Oblivious or just an Asshole?

We all know times are fucking tight.......right? The little guys are doing more work, and the bosses are sweating those annual performance reviews, so they can feed those shin kickers right in time for the holidays.

I want to publish a recent story that has been told to me by numerous people, however to respect their need of employment and possible HR harassment I will oblige from elaborating further. Guys just know, I'm thinking of you.

A thought for the times...

Clear Channel enacted a program in the the early millennium (holy shit saying that made me realize it's almost 2010) using a "Less Is More" theory, now I've never worked for them, never did anything with this program, I actually thought it was stupid at the time, (granted I might be a bit biased working for their major competitor)

But, this phrase "Less Is More" is what we are all going through now, less money, less vacation, less benefits, less credit, less.... well you get the picture, while the "more" is all crap, more paperwork, more stress, more bills, more SHIT. We're being asked to do a fuckload more while receiving less and being scrutinized more. Is this really how we want to live life?

Times are tough..... yes we know it, but throw out a bone every once and awhile, drones work in complacency, leaders thrive in environments where they feel trusted.

Where do you feel you stand please e-mail me (stephenfogg@yahoo.com) and let me know, tell a story...get some shit off your chest if your need to, everything will be kept in complete confidentiality. Seeing what I've seen, and hearing what I've been hearing people need to get this shit off their chests just to make the day go by.

Now it's about time to get my MRI for Brain Tumors, god I hope they don't find anything.... I'm not Lance Armstrong, I do ride a bike, but I smoke, drink, enjoy the little things in life. So no Tour de. France for me, I guess I'mma keep trying to build the worlds largest music collection instead.

Wheww, I'm bushed from this one. Later Boners.

REACH Charlotte

So I don't know how this entry is going to go.... Today, so many different emotions came to the front and right now my mental exhaustion is making my hands shake like Lou Gehrig.

First chore of the day is head to REACH Charlotte and put some baby batter on ice, woke up tired and cranky, driving to the place I heard a commercial played on my old station for them. I loved their slogan "Guarantee within 6 tries you'll bring a baby home, or your money back" this sounds more like the new General Motors car challenge, than a welcoming place to keep the Fogg legacy on hold.

At the clinic I felt like a John working with a hooker. Very formal, a large monetary sum is exchanged and then I 'enjoy' some girl on girl smut, in the comforts of a very dreary room. Afterwards you leave your room with a sense of being busted for prostitution and the lady who did your processing...err paper work, gives you a I know what you did type of look.

One doctor down, one more to go to, this time, back to the messhole. I am sat down in a room with a Nurse Practitioner to describe what to expect. Shit they don't leave anything to the imagination, after an hour of hearing I'm going to lose my hair, food will taste like a penny, kidneys might fail, blah blah blah the most depressing part of the entire apt. was them saying I can't get my tattoo today.

The plan was to get a tattoo on my forearm, however after the messhole doctors said the skin might blister and become infected due to the ink, I took their advice and passed on the tattoo......on my arm.

I did get one on my left ankle, hurt like hell and it felt like every single needle point was hitting bone. But it was well worth it, an Egyptian symbol for hope that I altered the color of the full moon to support the fight against testicular cancer.

Well, shit that's it for now. Tomorrow they are doing a brain scan just to verify this awesome disease didn't spread to my think tank. Cleveland, I'll see you in two days.

Till next time.

One Week Away

Chemo starts in one week, taking my vitamins and eating everything I ever thought tasted good. They say food is going to start tasting like metal, and my teeth might be sensitive to anything hot. Sounds like fucking joy if you ask me.

Julie is amazing and put together a surprise party for me @ The Sanctuary, and I want to thank everyone for showing up, it was a blast. I haven't felt that good in a long time, now granted the next day I was reintroduced to a hangover it was well worth it. I also had some great friends from Cleveland come in town for the week, we rocked it hardcore till this morning. Seeing those guys again makes my liver hurt.

After seeing that depressing messhole (that is my official name for the Dr. office) of where my treatment will be at I have determined that an inspiring tattoo is in order, I need something to keep me going and keep hope alive. Tomorrow I have a 2pm apt. at Fu's Tattoo in NoDa, I'm ready.....set........... Go!

Fuck You Cancer

Welcome, Bienvenue, Valkommen, Willkumme, Hola,

Fuck You Cancer, is all about that.. telling cancer to go fuck off. This is going to be a mental trip, vulgar, frustrating, informative, motivational, and maybe at times obscene. It's been hard to keep everyone in the loop and I'm learning each day that more and more people want to follow my progress, so I'm giving this a chance.

I'm done with my surgeries already, but I might go back on them a bit. Chemo starts in 10 days, and I will be in a miserable messhole of a waiting room to get my treatment. I want to start there. This should be interesting.