Day 2

Dismal at best, woke up around 7am to see Pam and she didn't look like Pam. Bald, yellow from the Jondus, cold and a faint pulse. She was breathing ok, but she seemed weak from her destructive condition. When my dad and I went into her room to say hi, she briefly opened her eyes to look at us. I don't think she recognized us but I will never know because she can't speak.

I was in shock, this disease has turned a familiar face into an unknown, I truly feel for her family, her husband travels frequently for his job and they have a 14 yr. old getting ready to go into high school, and things don't seem to faze her. She just might not understand how to compute what is happening to her mother, I know I felt that way when my Bubba passed.

After visiting with my Aunt Pam, we went to visit my 98 yr. old Nona (great grandmother) Santa Romonoli, who is a living legend on my dad's side of the family, who is in a nursing home, with full care. Anyways she is struggling too, and I don't believe she recognized me today either. It's tough knowing that people close to you can't even remember you anymore.

After seeing my Nona, we went back to see Pam, and within the few hours we were gone, she has drastically gotten worse. Her breathing is shallow and weak, and she is showing signs that her vital organs are shutting down.

My dad and I said our final goodbye to her a few hours ago, and it was as tough as I thought it would be.

Jesus what a day.

This post might be all over the place, but so is my mind. I can't concentrate but I need to write this down.

4 Days and Counting,

Till my chemo might be complete, 4 more sessions in the messhole, hopefully. Dec 2nd I go back in for blood work and testing, then we see how happy I shall be.

But damn, 4 more days...I'm shaking and I'm not sure if its the drugs or the utter joy that is! Yesterday I was able to see Matisyahu in 106.5's green room, his music puts you in a calm tranquil and I think that just started everything off right. The kind folks at Clear Channel donated a ton of CD's, Books, and DVD's to F.Y.C. So looks like now I need to start doing an inventory or some cataloging, shit this could get progressively redundant.

I'm held-up at the house for the next couple of days, body is weaker than yesterday, but yet I feel somewhat at peace with my condition. I'm back to not tasting food again, even my "go-to" meal of greasy ass Burgers from McDonald's tasted exceptionally bland. Only for a little while longer