Dynasty

It has been months since I wrote, I felt the story has ended. Looking back at this blog, and everything in it....damn it brings me back to a hell storm, I want to think there is more to this story than that.

I'm days away from my first child being brought into this world....I'm completely excited. I can't believe that just a few short years ago it was a crap shoot if I could ever has kids. Well less than 6 months after chemo.... the unthinkable happened, and now I can't wait to be my child's best influence.

What a roller coaster ride cancer is, I still say Fuck You Cancer.... but now it's more of looking at the glass half full. This thing has made me revaluate life... I've been employed for a wonderful company for 6 months now, and I couldn't had asked for a better situation to re-acclimate to starting over.

Starting over is a tough phrase to swallow, but sometime a cliche 'fresh start' is what a man needs to grow. The chemo drug induced writings made me think like I never thought I could. I felt like a unbiased visitor in my life detailing my journey. For the quality of this blog I wish I still had that ability, but for the betterment of life I'm thankful to have that part of my life well documented, as still it's hard to read about some of those jittery sweat induced all-nighters.

I'm hoping once our miracle baby is born to jump start FYC and continue to pay forward the thoughtfulness that my influences provided me with.

At this point life is great, and I'm thrilled to become a loving father.

Till next time folks...

Turning the Corner

Hello world,

It has been quite a journey since I last divulged my thoughts to you all, and many things have happened. The past month has been a journey to say goodbye to loved ones, and it has been a reflection of how important family should be. My Aunt passed hours after my last post, my Nona (Great-grandma) passed away two Friday's ago, and my Uncle passed away the very next day. Needless to say it has been a busy month of paying my respects.

I have an interview tomorrow with a local media outlet, and I'm filled with excitement for the opportunity so I have been preparing extensively the past few days to make sure I get that offer sheet tomorrow. During this time of preparing I dug through an old box of stuff I kept from my CBS Radio days hoping to find a presentation or anything that might help give me a lift above the competition. While looking through that box I came across some pictures Julie took during my time in Chemo, and they were just inspirational looking back to what I was to where I am now was a proverbial wake up call to what I have accomplished. But one more thing needs to be... a real job.

I'm nervous for tomorrow because it's a glimpse into finally resurrecting a normal life. I'm anxious to have the opportunity to come home at 6 and spend the nights with Julie, I'm excited to be able to be on the same schedule as my friends. Most importantly I'm thrilled for the opportunity to work in a real work environment. I've done this job before I know I can do it again, but with this new outlook on life I believe I will be better than before, I truly do.

"You don't know what you got until it is gone" I have an opportunity to get that back, and I won't let it slip through my fingers.

I can't go.

The nausea is killing me, things would feel better if I could just purge. The Nulasta shot did this to me last time too, sore bones, nausea, jitters, and exhausted. I'm tired, but I can't fall asleep.

Good news is tomorrow is my last day of treatment... For now, Dec 2nd I will retest my body and see if the chemo has truly done it's job. From the looks of my hair, and the exhaustion in my body it's working, but only time will tell.

Julie is excited for tomorrow to be over with, and so am I to a point. I just don't believe it to be over with, something inside of me is telling me to be patient with excitement, this roller coaster has been going on too long and I'd just like for the rest of the ride to be smooth sailing.

Life is progressing, tomorrow should be better.

~ On my iTunes right now - Sly & The Family Stone - Stand!

4 Days and Counting,

Till my chemo might be complete, 4 more sessions in the messhole, hopefully. Dec 2nd I go back in for blood work and testing, then we see how happy I shall be.

But damn, 4 more days...I'm shaking and I'm not sure if its the drugs or the utter joy that is! Yesterday I was able to see Matisyahu in 106.5's green room, his music puts you in a calm tranquil and I think that just started everything off right. The kind folks at Clear Channel donated a ton of CD's, Books, and DVD's to F.Y.C. So looks like now I need to start doing an inventory or some cataloging, shit this could get progressively redundant.

I'm held-up at the house for the next couple of days, body is weaker than yesterday, but yet I feel somewhat at peace with my condition. I'm back to not tasting food again, even my "go-to" meal of greasy ass Burgers from McDonald's tasted exceptionally bland. Only for a little while longer

Fuck the Suck

Just got a call from the messhole doctor. He wants me to come in today @ 1:30 to start treatments again. Fuck me, I thought I had more time.

This really bums me out, I'm going to come out of this shit tired and weary again. A new IV will be started, and I will have the pleasure of staring at old dying people. I am fucking excited!!!

I'm paying attention to this mass rapist/murderer in my hometown of Cleveland, and it makes me absolutely sick and saddened, He did all of this just down the street from my High School. God that's fucked up, I hope he gets the shit beat out of him in prison, every day until he is sentenced to death.

That's it for now, more to report on tonight.

My Ride in the Pope Mobile

Had my breathing test today, and as you can see from the picture I was in the Pope Mobile for this thing.

I was able to see my results from the last test today, I scored a 68% last Sunday. Meaning I was breathing at a D+ level. Today I scored a 96% I get a Gold Star.

I can tell the difference, I couldn't even finish the first test... my breathing was too short & I couldn't stop coughing. This time it was a piece of cake.

Anyways, I checked out some space to rent @ the N.C. Music Factory, and signed up for a P.O. Box today. Tomorrow it's paperwork and building this non-profit from the ground up.

I think I'm starting chemo on Monday. I mean, I don't know.. messhole Doctor hasn't called yet, and I'm in no hurry to hear him say so.... I just have this gut feeling in my stomach, life is pretty good right now, and I don't want to fuck it up with that mess....please messhole doctor, don't tell me anything till Monday morning.

later taters.

One Week Away

Chemo starts in one week, taking my vitamins and eating everything I ever thought tasted good. They say food is going to start tasting like metal, and my teeth might be sensitive to anything hot. Sounds like fucking joy if you ask me.

Julie is amazing and put together a surprise party for me @ The Sanctuary, and I want to thank everyone for showing up, it was a blast. I haven't felt that good in a long time, now granted the next day I was reintroduced to a hangover it was well worth it. I also had some great friends from Cleveland come in town for the week, we rocked it hardcore till this morning. Seeing those guys again makes my liver hurt.

After seeing that depressing messhole (that is my official name for the Dr. office) of where my treatment will be at I have determined that an inspiring tattoo is in order, I need something to keep me going and keep hope alive. Tomorrow I have a 2pm apt. at Fu's Tattoo in NoDa, I'm ready.....set........... Go!